Saturday, February 19, 2011

Person of the Week

Charlie St. Wowed

      What does Charlie Sheen have in common with Mel Gibson and Chris Brown? His continual public outbursts serve as a stark reminder, of the reprehensible behavior that imprudent-minded, celebrity bad boys exact. In a weird and frankly, questionable twist, my "Person of the Week" award will honor this fact, as the infamously famous Charlie Sheen, will receive the title. And no, that is not a mistype; Charlie is no Martin. 

      The erratic and bizarre antics of Mr. Charlie Sheen—Mean Sheen as I call 'em—has captivated me to a Mike Tyson worthy, train wreck level. For the same reason I enjoy mindless, superficial entertainment like Jersey Shore—though, my interest in the show has waned immensely—I too enjoy witnessing an individual of undeserving wealth and fame, free-fall towards limitless insanity. Although, I must caution, I do not wish any illwill on Sheen. I sincerely hope he reclaims his life back, at least to a level that is not immeasurably self-destructive. However, for the sake of a fascinating story, I can still derive amusement from his devilish descent into madness. Despite an inherently injurious quality, some things are just too funny too ignore.

      Our TMZ world of media has encouraged a frighteningly high level of outlandish celebrity behavior. Essentially, our society's 24/7 frenzy and hyperactive resolve for news updates has emboldened a media culture that thrives on peculiar, off-color storytelling mechanisms. Well, ladies and gentlemen, Charlie Sheen is the unequivocal King of Hollywood Shame. He is the kind of guy that can turn a mundane circumstance like walking his dog into a sensationalized national media event. Effectively, in a frenzied media state, anything that Sheen does requires reporting.
      What type of reporting? Well recently, Charlie Sheen has once again voluntarily checked himself back into a rehabilitation center. The impetus of this latest rehab stint requires some background. First, Charlie rushes himself to the hospital after an apparent "wild party." He writes a $30,000 check to a pornstar, and walks into a hotel room with a "briefcase full of coke." Apparently, Sheen asks Kacey Jordan, his pornstar-partying-partner, to dump tennis-ball sized lumps of cocaine on the table, so that he could smoke the drug every "two to five minutes." Later, he is hospitalized after experiencing abdominal pains, likely a direct result of his latest excessive and abusive partying binge. And here's the kicker. Sheen still adamantly defends his opprobrious partying ways.
      Have we not heard these stories before? These kinds of self-destructive actions make me wonder if Charlie Sheen is going to become the poster child, of the sordid celebrity, whose abusive actions leads to a fatal overdose. For his self-preservation, I certainly hope not. 
      Sheen's penchant for partying started way back in the mid-1980's while the bankable star was still in high school. Some of his most infamous mishaps include: an "accidental shooting" of actress Kelly Preston, hiring 27 call girls from Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss, and Christmas assault charges filed by his most recent wife, Brooke Mueller. Despite a recent public track record of arrest, hospitalization, rehab, and divorce, Charlie's role on Two and a Half Men remains intact. Reportedly, he receives a robust $2 million dollars per episode; no doubt, a sufficient amount to sustain his expensive addictions. 

      Charlie is like a steroid-induced frat boy having fun. This is why his indefensible and appalling actions are so appealing. Despite a noted "Soap Opera life-style," Sheen's success remains imperforate. For this reason, Charlie Sheen wins my "Person of the Week" honor. 
      It is quite remarkable how someone of such reputed disgust can remain viable. His recent bad behavior has actually boosted the ratings for his long running sitcom, Two and a Half Men. If Charlie Sheen teaches us anything, it's that some careers can withstand almost any measure of abuse. This is decisively true if an actor's troubled life parallels his most celebrated public persona. In other words, playing a lovable reprobate excuses reprobate-like behavior in real life. I reckon Mel Gibson is mightily encouraged by this news. Perhaps, this form of thinking explains why a majority of people polled on the Lethal Weapon superstar—who became famous for playing edgy cop, Martin Riggs, a hard-drinking rage-aholic—would still see a movie that he stars in.

      Perhaps, Sheen's madness is a product of fear of being controlled, fear of depression, or even a fear of mania. I am no licensed psychiatrist. My interest in Sheen is only shenanigan-deep. Whatever makes Charlie's dangerously beguiling brain tick is beyond the scope of my incendiary Sheen bashing blogpost. Well actually, I am not being too harsh. He is still the winner of my futilely prestigious award. All press is good press.
      Sheen's crazy behavior has trumped even the self-indulgent, narcissistic levels of his famous "Wild Thing," Major League character by an infinite factor. I never thought such a development could ever be possible. His behavior is so damning and disruptive that media types ought to coin a category to define crazed celebrity behavior, and name the ignominious award after Charlie Sheen.
      I once thought Mike Tyson was the undisputed champ of celebrity belligerence; the standard bearer of extraordinary shame. In my humble assessment, Sheen has supplanted Tyson. Others may argue that Sheen would need to engineer one more bizarre stunt; something that could rival Mike Tyson's looniest moments like chomping off part of Evander Holyfield's ear or covering the left side of his face with a tattoo. My argument is that Sheen's entire career of abnormal behavior makes his feat of infamy more impressive. Forget the rapper. His new name should be Ludicrous—the baron of mischief.

*If you still don't believe me, just peep the video footage above, compliments of TMZ.


  1. it's true that media and even the public allow too many undeserving people become celebrities ... one day that habit will kick us back in our respected behinds... probably the day when our kids start behaving like Mel, Charlie, Britney, Lindsay, Rihanna and other bad people.

    Speaking of Charlie, what on Earth happened to his brother Emilio Estavez? Haven't seen him in ages.

  2. You're exactly right, Dezmond. It is a bleak outlook—if the following generations become imprints of Sheen and Lohan, etc—but the level of attention paid towards these headcases definitely does not help. As souring a thought as this is, the only foreseeable way it can change is if our media rich culture takes its foot off the gas pedal. They need to stop devoting hours of coverage to inane celebrity stories, and focus more genuine efforts on philanthropic causes, etc.

  3. I'm wondering whether things have changed that much, actually. The 'Rat Pack' springs to mind. Their behaviour was just as infamously inappropriate in their day, I'm sure. The internet just brings it to our attention.

    Love, or hate the likes of Charlie Sheen, these idiots tote much hilarity for us commoners and fodder for the media. After all, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be reading your blog now would I? :)

  4. By the way, I've just noticed you're only 25yrs old. Good lord, you've got an extraordinary command of the English language, good sir!!

    That's all from me. As you were :)

  5. Charlie is simply the latest incarnation in a very long line of atrocious Hollywood excess that goes back to the silent era. I shake my head anymore at the things he does because it's all been done before. Robert Downey, Jr., Ryan O'Neill, the Rat Pack, Errol Flynn... Now here's a guy who managed to get himself charged with statutory rape and have people, like William F. Buckley, Jr. form a group in support of him-- American Boys Club For the Defense of Errol Flynn. No wonder they coined the phrase "in like Flynn."

    Interesting and thought-provoking post as always.

  6. Charlie will never be completely recovered..and his attitude proves it..he said “can’t a guy just have a good time” he loves drugs and hookers..and, just like Lohan, he will be back in rehab soon after he is out of rehab.

  7. $2 million is a truly ridiculous salary per episode for someone who looks so creepy and for a show that is so awful.

    i heard the kid is the highest paying "child star" on tv, too. please, don't get better sheen. let the show that kept you going die, please.

  8. @ Wendy

    I really appreciate your kind thoughts :)
    You're a great comment contributor!

    And touche. If not for such bizarre actions, then who would I mock? Let it be known. As much as I deride Sheen, I actually dug some of his work: Platoon, Major League, Wall Street, and a few others. Just because an actor's personal life is in shambles doesn't mean they still can't be competent performers.

    @ Melissa


    Great point. There is a long lineage of abhorrent celebrity behavior. I could have easily dissected Sheen's exploits by incorporating some of the precursors who blazed this dubious path. But I wanted to maintain a contemporary arc. Plus Sheen's behavior has remained troublesome throughout his career.

    It seems as if Robert Downey Jr. finally curbed his addictions. And, as the movie going public, it's good news for us. He is an excellent actor.

  9. @ Jaccstev

    I think you're right. He seems incorrigible. I don't think he cares to change.

    @ jonwinters

    Lol! Good assessment.

    Yeah I heard that same account. In fact, that kid may be the highest paid kid TV actor ever. And I don't think he is that memorable or talented. It's just he fits the quirky nature of the show so perfectly. And he balances out the craziness of Sheen.

  10. I'm glad RDJ got over his troubles, too. I do love that you chose Charlie. He does seem to have absolutely no scruples or sense whatsoever. Of today's celebs, he certainly is in a class by himself.

    I do miss the Charlie of Platoon, Wall Street and Major League.

  11. I despise Charlie Sheen. He was a mediocre actor who got by on his father's good name and now he's only famous for his antics.

  12. @ Melissa

    If we could ever duplicate the Charlie of the late 80's, early 90's (in terms of acting and roles), we'd have a reedemable person on our hands. However, the Charlie going today is completely detestable.

    @ Laura

    Haha, so many people loathe Charlie. I agree. If not for his lucky family legacy, he'd probably never be a recognizable name.