Sunday, February 24, 2013

Oscars 2013: Live Blogging the Show!

The Oscar Guy 

      The best film has to offer us is mere moments away. I should rephrase that as the best film has to offer its members. Awards shows bestow neither social nor artistic benefits. They do not make me feel more culturally enlightened. Viewing them does not constitute a deduction on my tax burden. The luster of the show is simply an acknowledgement of hierarchy. The opportunity for us non-entertaining folk, at least those of us not recognized for being entertaining, to be immersed in the expensive pageantry of stars celebrating other stars. Ultimately  the Oscars are more a promotional tool than some kind of finite declaration of enduring appeal. 
      To maintain this spirit of affectation, I have decided to live blog the event. The splendid witticisms of Melissa Bradley of Melissa's Imaginarium have been enlisted. Providing exciting commentary is her expertise. 
      Without further ado, a continuous onslaught of Oscars' shenanigans await. Feel free to join the party and break a few things! 

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

My 100 Favorite Directors - UPDATED!

White Men Can't Jump, But Women Can Make Movies

      Tangential thoughts should never be the subject of a blogpost's title, garnering a spotlight that for such cognitive foibles is unbecoming. How dare they project their dubious presence in a textual world greater than that supplied by 12 font, max. But inspiration strikes us in abnormal ways. Our minds tend to process that abnormality through some sort of systematic deconstruction. What materializes is an idea, an insight, some measure of understanding that our discordant and chaotic synapses illuminate. Yes. I realize the caption, which I suspect has fueled your impetus to continue reading, suggests a relationship between two extreme phenomena; phenomena that is purely meant to be jarring because of its bizarre juxtaposition. But hyperbole is a valuable tool of provocation. Strange observations trigger strange curiosities, and, according to the logic immortalized in Tarantino's Django Unchained, if your curiosity is piqued, your attention will surely follow.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Random Rumination

Choosing My Cinematic Religion

Don't get me started on Batman!

      I always suspected the Force could drive me towards the unknown. Obi-Wan Kenobi communicating some inscrutable power with such conviction. It's intoxicating. Omniscience inhabiting that purest of manhood is impossible to deny. The possibilities of extraordinary reflex, manipulation, healing all within my arsenal is just too amazing a possibility to compute coherently. And knowing all along that Alec Guinnes is Ben Kenobi, well, please indoctrinate me into the cult of believing right now. Like Tom Cruise and Scientology, pull the rug of common sense from under me and I'll still follow. I'm a ride-or-die disciple. Paul Thomas Anderson, you are my Master. Accept me as your stowaway and allow Phillip Seymour Hoffman to teach me the process.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

My Top 13 Most Anticipated Films of 2013

Lucky Number 13

      Forget the Super Bowl. When your team's not represented, it's a tawdry affair. A massive marketing bonanza. Lest we forget that all the so-called "great" commercials can be viewed online on our time, at our convenience. Forget football. Let's talk movies. 
      2013's movie schedule is truly astonishing to behold. How foolish I must have been to think 2012 was the anomaly, an indicator of how conditioned our myopic thought-processes have become. How we're taught to believe that bearing witness to such excellence month after month is an elusive desire. But the outlier I thought I discovered may in fact have been the primal markings of an exciting new trend in which first-rate craftsmanship is the standard currency. 2013 promises a cornucopia of original stories, science fiction forays, major superhero films, unexpected sequels, classic adaptations, exciting prequels, and so, so much more. I'm positively ecstatic.