Friday, June 10, 2011

Two Cool Videos

Text at Your Own Risk

      Be forewarned. If you don't like what I have to say, then expect repercussions. My retribution will involve one of the 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All-Time: "Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns." I'll be raining down on you with such fury, you'll be wondering if the person pummeling you senseless is Mike Tyson. Ah, but I'm kidding. As a partial, not pseudo pacifist, I leave the fighting to the movies. Only in the movies can extreme forces of good and evil be imagined and realized...not imitated.
      In all seriousness, I encourage every one of you to set aside eleven minutes of your time to watch an actual montage of the 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All-Time. The consistently exceptional, routinely fastidious Harry Hanrahan (the guy responsible for that awesomely ridiculous Nic Cage Hair Montage I highlighted some months ago) hits another emphatic home run with his latest montage. Without question, this guy's got a flair for visual transition. 
      His montage is tremendously comprehensive, which means to say, meticulously researched. But what bolsters his thorough arrangement, elevating it from a generic, educational composition (violent declarations can be enlightening), is his crystalline sharpness of design. I urge the Academy to take notice, especially concerning their memorial tributes. His skills can bring viewers to tears. Heck, if I was responsible for the Oscar's production, I'd have hired Harry years ago. His video editing skills are visually and poetically enrapturing. He's the Michael Jordan of the editing world without the enormous recognition. If you're interested in more of his work, then pay his YouTube channel a visit.

Here's a list of the movies being quoted via pajiba:

0’04 - The Limey, Law Abiding Citizen, Cape Fear (1962)
0’33 - Fargo, Scarface, Back to the Future Part III, Tombstone
1’02 - Coogan’s Bluff, They Live, Laughing Policeman, The Dead Pool, Casino
1’33 - Full Metal Jacket, Major Payne, In the Loop, Good Morning Vietnam
2’05 - Midnight Run, The Departed, The Big Lebowski, The Blues Brothers
2’33 - Coming to America, Punch-Drunk Love, Goodfellas, Casino
3’03 - Carlito’s Way, Kill Bill, Sudden Impact
3’30 - Pulp Fiction, Way of the Gun, Scream, Trading Places, The Running Man, Full Metal Jacket
3’59 - A Few Good Men, Smokey and the Bandit, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Speed, Gangs of New York, Miller’s Crossing, Blue Velvet
4’31 - Wild at Heart, The Wizard of Oz, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Shining
5’00 - Anchorman, The Man, Tank Girl, Diner, Mulan, The Goonies, In the Loop
5’31 - Team America: World Police, New Jack City, Training Day, Robocop, Animal House, Harvey, Talladega Nights
6’01 - The Warriors, Rocky IV, Matchstick Men, Way of the Gun, The Big Lebowski
6’38 - Stand By Me, Commando, The Shawshank Redemption, Welcome to Collinwood
6’57 - The Long Kiss Goodnight, Anchorman, Step Brothers
7’30 - Tommy Boy, Home Alone, Sexy Beast, Robocop, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Breakfast Club
8’00 - From Dusk Till Dawn, The Untouchables, Unforgiven, The Prophecy
8’32 - True Romance, Casino, Payback, Inglourious Basterds
9’01 - Ripley’s Game, Way of the Gun, Pulp Fiction
9’28 - Home Alone, Con Air, American History X, Man On Fire
10’05 - Taken, Patriot Games, Tropic Thunder
10’35 - There Will Be Blood, Dead Man’s Shoes, Robocop
10’57 - Rambo: First Blood, Predator, Hard to Kill

       Finally, as an offering of goodwill to counteract the above hostility, I'm presenting a cautionary video. It's not solely for your pleasure. It's predominantly for your education. We can thank Anderson Cooper's "Ridiculist" TV segment, for it perfectly encapsulates one of the most common moviegoing transgressions of today's digital age. And, even more startlingly, it strikes an emotional chord with me. 
      Yes, one of the most offensive pet peeves of all, on a personal level (and I'm sure most, if not all of you will agree), is the shameful use of cell phones in theaters. Exacerbating this problem, of course, is the realization that offenders often invoke their ubiquitous technological devices while the movie Is Actually Playing. That is, to quote Mr. Jackie Chiles from Seinfeld: "outrageous, egregious, preposterous." If you're anything like me (a BIG movie nerd), then going to the movies is a sacred experience, an experience that shall not be recklessly and callously tarnished by the obnoxious actions of a few heinous moviegoers.
      Thankfully, the Alamo Drafthouse hates texters/cell phone abusers as much as I do. The Austin, Texas-based theater chain has issued a pre-show PSA that underscores their "Don't talk, don't text" policy. And, oh yes, the hilarity ensues. Watch the video below and then ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky, oh wait, that's not what I meant to ask...What kind of remorseless criminal act would you exact on this woman, if you caught her texting in your theater?
      If you agree with the woman/phone caller, then said indiscretion compels justice. And I will be invoking the 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All-Time, which means, a thorough John McClane ass whooping will ensue. But I suspect none of you will agree with the drunken reasoning of some disturbed, obviously distressed woman. So, I doubt I'll have to get medieval on your ass. 

P.S. Anderson Cooper is the MAN.


  1. Awesome post Matty! A little angsty bits here and there, but it's one of my favourite posts by you.

    Nice! :D

  2. One of your favorites, huh!? Thanks J! I'm flattered.

    I hope I didn't come across as some kind of nebbish teenager. Anxiety and I don't mix, at all. But I'm glad the feigned hostility came across.

  3. OMG do I hate texters and talkers at the movies. All those little blue lights in the theater while the movie is playing. What is so effing important that you have text your way through X-Men?

    I also hate them at concerts. Only this breed, rather than actually enjoy the performance, they stand there with their phones and film the concert. I went to see Aerosmith last August and I was getting my rocker on with Same Ol Song and Dance when this ass says to me "Hey you fat bitch, stop dancing and singing, I'm trying to film this." To which I replied,after I flipped him off, "Why did you pay for the experience if you only wanted to live it through your phone. Is that what you tell the hookers you pick up?" My mouth really gets me in trouble sometimes, but that's a post for another day.

    These vids were awesome. I love, love the movie threats. You always have the most interesting posts.

  4. I live in Austin, and after the Drafthouse video, I doubt that I will ever go to any other theatre. They totally rock!

  5. @ Melissa

    Haha great, that makes two of us! It's obnoxious and could really get ugly if you confront the person. At concerts, it is also ridiculous. Does anyone want to actually enjoy the moment, in the present, without the spoil of technology? Mind-boggling. I feel your pain, sister.

    I'm really happy you enjoyed them. The movie threats find was one I had to share. It's EPIC. Thank you so much for giving me credit for authoring "interesting posts." I do what I do, lol. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

  6. @ Su,

    Oh, that's very cool. Thanks for sharing your opinion, as you are in the epicenter of the controversy. All I can say: I wish they had an Alamo Drafthouse in my neck of the woods. I'd feel the same way you do.